Fighting With Inanimate Objects

As if I don't make life complicated enough already by fighting with my split-personalities, I've gone ahead and added inanimate objects to the list of things with which I do not get along.

It all started one day at work. Where I was bored. And hungry. But I probly wasn't hungry...I just convinced myself I was cuz I was bored. Don't judge me! I know I'm not the only person that does this!! Anyway, I went to the vending machine on the 1st floor to buy pop-tarts. There are two reasons this was stupid:
1) Pop-tarts are cardboard covered with sugared glue. Seriously-I can't even explain to you why I eat them.
2) The vending machine on the 3rd floor sells pop-tarts for 10 cents cheaper. But I was lazy and decided to pay more so I only had to walk 15 steps.
So anyway, I put in my money, the machine rotates....and the pop-tarts don't fall!! I really hate when this happens. But really, the only logical thing to do is to go back to my desk, get more money and buy the next set of pop-tarts, too. Right? So I did. And the machine turned, and the first set of pop-tarts fell-but the second one didn't!!!! So, guess what I did? I went back to my desk, got more money, and bought the third set. Fortunately, they fell along with the second set so the vicious cycle didn't continue.
And what did I end up with? Two sets of pop-tarts I didn't want (okay, I fake wanted them-but quit judging), 3 set of pop-tarts I shouldn't have, and $1.90 less than I would have had if I just went to the third floor in the first place.

Vending machine: 1 Barbara: 0

Story #2. I bought this pink bracelet from Target and it's real cute. It's also really ghetto and left a pink mark on my arm. How surprising. Cuz Target is real high class and all, right?
Side story: The mark was like the kind you got on your finger from cheap CTR rings. Only it was bright pink. And everyone noticed it and started calling it my Scarlet Letter (even though it clearly was NOT a letter) which is ironic cuz I'm a little bit of a prude. Side story over.
So everytime I wore the bracelet, it left a mark. But I was already mad that the vending machine bested me and I was not gonna let the bracelet do the same so I kept wearing it and it kept marking my arm. My co-worker freaked out for a minute cuz she thought it was lead paint from China and I was gonna die. Don't worry though, I've been feeling fine. Minus that fact that my hair's falling out, my tongue has turned white and I can no longer pronounce my r's. Big deal.
Bottom line is...I put clear nail polish on the inside of my bracelet and this accomplished two things. My clear nail polish now has a bright pink tint to it...and I can wear the bracelet without it marking my arm!!

Bracelet: 0 Barbara: 1

Narcissism

Mmkay. My friend, Margo, tagged me and the rules say, "this one is different; you have to list 5 interesting facts or habits about yourself." I don't see how this is a lot different than other tags...but hey, any excuse to talk about myself is fun. Right? So, here goes.

5. I had a really hard time thinking of what I was going to write because I'm pretty sure everything about me is interesting! How can I choose just five? 

4. Despite the above fact, I'm continually trying to convince myself that I am not a self-absorbed, geeky narcissist. I mean, big deal that I have a blog that I use as a forum to constantly talk about myself. So what that I check it way too often to see if people commented. Who cares if I really think everything about me is interesting? (Actually, I really don't. The phrase I usually use to describe myself is "dull as a box of rocks." This is especially helpful when I'm trying to get out of being set up on a blind date.) Now, if that doesn't highlight my humble and unassuming personality...I don't know what will.

3. I go through phases of the boys that I like. It all started with neighborhood boys. There are 8 different boys that lived within a block of me that I had crushes on. Two of them were brothers. I'm not necessarily proud of that...but I do think it's funny. Then there was the soccer phase. This was probly the most intense and unhealthy phase. I was the "Team Mom" for my friends' soccer team of 14 boys. Of those 14 I had, at one point or another, crushes on 9 of them. Good grief! Now, with those two phases, the crushes usually did not overlap. I cannot say the same for the current phase: the internet boys. Now that I think about it, this is probly less healthy than the soccer phase... Seriously though; Paul Brogan, Barats and Bereta, and Eric Snider. In case anyone ever wondered why this brilliantly interesting and witty girl is single...there's your answer.

2. In the past week, two different boys called me coy. I'm not sure they meant it as a good thing. And even if they did, I'm not sure I like it.

1. I hate driving---it's not fun. Despite that, I'm about to drive from Phoenix to Vegas all ALONE. Why? Because I'm going to "Memorial Day Weekend Festivus for the Rest of Us" and I'm ecstatic! Not about the driving. I'm ecstatic about the Festivusing that will take place.

So there ya go. Five stimulating facts about yours truly. I'm not gonna tag anyone...but if you like this idea and you do it, let me know.

Wait-just kidding. I tag my partner in crime cuz I think this might bug her and that thought amuses me.

Do NOT Take Me Out To the Ballgame!!!

I don't want peanuts or cracker jacks (well, maybe I want some cracker jacks) and I sure as heck do care if I never get back!!

Seriously, baseball has got to be the worst sport ever. It's so boring!! And to add insult to injury-it's LONG!! Nine innings?? Nine? Why I agreed to go to a date that I knew involved baseball is beyond me. I think it had something to do with the whole, be-open-to-opportunities-and-be-social-and-let-that-one-guy-see-that-you-have-other-options leaf that I'm trying to turn over.

Now, some people say that hockey is a worse sport than baseball. However, since I'm not Canadian, Michigonian or white-trash, hockey doesn't actually register in my mind as an actual sport.

Despite my lack of fondness towards baseball, I will say that I think 'Sandlot' is the universal best movie. I mean, everyone can enjoy it: boys, girls, adults, kids etc. It's got something for everyone. Plus, Yeah-Yeah is hot. Right? My brother and I were talking one time about how everyone can enjoy this movie, and he said that he doesn't think cats can. Well, to this I say that cats don't have souls so I'm not certain they enjoy anything. They don't count. Just like hockey doesn't count.

And speaking of baseball, one of my co-workers told me our new co-worker is dating a guy that plays football for the San Francisco Giants. I politely informed her that the SF Giants don't typically employ football players and I was curious as to how that was working out. I just think that was kinda funny and wanted to share.

Things To Avoid

-Svengalis: A person who, with evil intent, tries to persuade another to do what is desired.
-Harridans: A woman regarded as scolding and vicious.

On a related note, these are the new words which I will use to refer to my enemies.
Unfortunately (I suppose some might say fortunately), I cannot currently think of any enemies -which makes future use of said words questionable.

I'm the Mommy...That's Why.

I was inspired by the lady whose blog I stalk, er, frequent often because I think she's hilarious. Her post about her mom today was very sweet and so I'm copying her format. 

Dear Mom-

Thanks for passing on your love for reading. Some of my favorite memories are reading 'Little House on the Prairie" with you and my brothers or begging to read just one more chapter of Nancy Drew at night when you tucked me in.

Thanks for teaching me how to memorize...and providing compensation for doing so:) I'm glad I can still remember poems, scriptures and songs I learned as a child...or at least parts of them.

Thanks for making sure I know how to cook, clean, do laundry etc. I may hate the phrase "Domestic Goddess," but that doesn't mean I can't be a darn good one.

Thanks for making music one of the most important parts of my life.

Thanks for doing family genealogy and teaching me about my ancestors.

I'd say thanks for passing on your love of chocolate, but so far that just gets me in trouble.

Thanks for marrying my dad. You've said it before, (and I'm sure you'll say it again) the best thing you ever did for my brothers and me was marry him.

Thank you for instilling in me a love of America and all things patriotic. And thank you for being willing to serve to keep those things alive. I could never have the guts to do it, but I'll always be proud to vote for you.

Thank you for showing me, by your example, that you had a testimony of the Gospel. I have relied on your faith more times than I can count and have seen hundreds, besides myself, blessed through your countless acts of service.

I love you, Mama.

XXIV

Well folks, it's official. I'M 24!!! Yikes. 

I was originally going to write a post with 24 facts about myself. Then I thought, "My mercy! Could you be any more self-centered? It's not as if you don't already have a plethora of posts focused solely on you. Good grief. Talk about something new." And then I got a little distracted thinking about what I did on my last birthday, and the birthday before that....and then I thought, "I'm gonna write a post about 24 of my favorite memories." And I can hear what you're thinking. "How is that different than 24 facts about herself?" To which I say, "Hey! My blog! My birthday! Leave me be!"

24. Playing "Milk and Cookies" with Perry when we shared a room and were supposed to be asleep. 23. Finally going to my favorite foreign country, Germany. 22. Performing for the wives of the General Authorities. Simultaneously the scariest and nicest audience I've ever had. 21. Going to New York with my dad. 20. The first time I got to vote for my mom. 19. Living across the street from the temple in Nauvoo. 18. My first Vegas weekend at the PorterHouse (and yes, that is supposed to be one word). 17. Winning the Intramural co-ed soccer championship last summer with Flava of Love! 16. Watching BYU beat Utah in football at the last second TWO years in a row!! Go Cougars!!  15. Finally being at a live soccer game in which Brian McBride scored! 14. "Modeling" for Limited 2 with Lisa. 13. Turning 16 so Sara, Chrissy and I could finally take that road trip. Oh wait...we never did actually take that trip:) You guys free this summer? 12. The night that Buffy and I realized it was "because I'm in America." 11. Hiding Tiff's bed in the closet, crazy dress-up, cheesy teen romances, and a hidden tooth-brush in Nauvoo with Nicole and Emily. 10. Springfield, IL and Notre Dame with Liz. 9. The graduation breakfast for the boys at Camille's house. 8. ER, Evil Mermaid and Rock Pox stories with Shells and Margo. 7. She's the Man, a pink couch, Chocolate Fair, the Creamery, Pull Handle and wedding dresses with Em. 6. Re-enacting the greenhouse scene of Airborne with Johnny. 5. Riding horses with Perry and going to a soccer game with Joey before I moved. 4. Sleep-overs on the tramp, the water game and murder-in-the-dark with cousins. 3. Getting texts from and sharing books with my nephew, Zach. 2. Alaskan Cruise with my whole family. 1. Realizing that even though life isn't always easy, I've had a great 24 years thanks to wonderful family, friends and the Gospel. 

And yes, I do realize how much I just sounded like a MasterCard commercial.