Tuesday, December 16, 2008

I Have Six Months Left To Live.

Maybe. I mean, probly I have more than that. But you never know. I especially don't know. Because I've never been to the doctor. Ever.

My dad was/is a doctor; he retired a few years ago. So, whenever I had a shot or a physical that was needed, my dad just signed the form. I remember when we had scoliosis checks in jr. high. He signed that form, too. Said he could tell I was fine.

In case you were wondering, my dad was an OB/GYN... And a darn good one.

But, he's also the most anti-hypochondriac you'll ever meet. And it's passed on to our family. Basically, the cure for everything that's not a broken bone is pepto bismol. What? You've had a headache for five days? Take some pepto bismol. Your knee's been hurting since you got knocked over in the soccer game? Take some pepto bismol. He even used to have a bag of those pink "candies" in his car. Maybe you don't believe me...but I remember when my sister-in-law had just had her baby and was complaining of stomach pain. She asked my dad for advice and was told to take...that's right, pepto. Later that night she was headed to the emergency room for an appendectomy.

So, I mean really, what if I have some crazy disease? I'll never know! But at least I never had to go to the doctor's, or wait for hours in a waiting room. Right?

And also, in case you were wondering, I really never have been sick enough to warrant a doctor's visit, never broken a bone, never even sprained anything. So I think I'm good for now.

30 comments:

LisAway said...

I'd forgotten about Pepto-Bismol. Yum. Bleh. Those "candies" were even worse than the liquid.

This post reminds me of the Windex in My Big Fat Greek Wedding.

Funny Farmer said...

Of course now that you have proclaimed your superior health to the world, you are jinxed. Be extra careful today!

Kristina P. said...

I think your dad is my husband. Adam loves the Pepto.

And I'm so glad that this wasn't a story about how your dad became your OB/GYN. How awkward would that be? Answer: Super awkward. Much worse than your dad being the bishop.

Harrison's said...

Maybe when he carried me up the hill after I knocked my 5 front teeth out he told me to take pepto? I don't remember....I was 3. I'll bet on it that he did though.

rychelle said...

does your dad recommend pepto to all his "real" patients too?

i, too, thought about the windex in my big fat greek wedding the whole time i read this.

Becky said...

I hate going to the doctor. Or maybe it's just my doctor. Every time I go, I leave feeling like I'm the stupidest person on the planet because I get talked to like a three-year-old.

If I'm going to get treated like that, I at least want my doc looking like Hugh Laurie...

Alyson (New England Living) said...

Sounds like my dad, but my dad is all about the epsom salt. So, should I take some pepto right now? Maybe my immune system is on strike because I haven't taken any of that stuff in years.

Machen family said...

I like to think of my ob as my dad. Just kidding, that's just gross. He looks my like my gandpa. A dirty little old grandpa. All kidding aside, I love that man.

Barbaloot said...

Alyson---yes. Lack of pepto is the problem. I'd suggest knocking some back right now and you'll be as good as new in 24 hours:)

Camille---it's one thing to have your dad be your OB. It's quite another to think of your OB as your dad. Honestly-what are you thinking? :)

Erin The Great said...

Ah the pepto. Literally the only sick medication I can take without wanting to vomit afterwards.

It kind of reminds me of 'My Big Fat Greek Wedding' when the dad uses Windex to cure everything.

Deb said...

In my wonderful husband's family, the cure-all was benadryl. My mother-in-law even gave it to her chihuahua. She said it worked like magic- the kid falls asleep for a little while, then feels all better!

Shelley said...

I always enjoy reading your comments on Camille's blog...so I had to stop by and take a pick. You're great. No wonders you and Camille have become online buddies.
So what I want to know is if anyone's parents made them take the homemade version of alka seltzer. You put some lemon juice in a small glass of water, then add some baking soda and wah lah...the crap started foaming like crazy and you had to drink SO FAST. See pepto bismo isn't all that bad.

Smart Helm said...

Try googling ur complaints and see what u get. Then u'll know what crazy diseases (PLURAL) u have. Google knows all!

My mother was an RN while putting my father through school. Never got much sympathy there. "If u don't feel well, get in ur bed... if I see u out here again, ur going to school!"

Trying to Stay Calm! said...

Just wanted to stop by and wish you a blessed and very Merry Christmas! ♥ Hugs :) Shauna

T said...

Alyson - my grandmother swore by Epsom Salts as well... of course, when I soaked my foot in Epsom Salts after stepping on a thorn it didn't prevent the next few years of crutches and surgery!

My mother (the RN) went with the Benadryl Remedy - but I think she just wanted some peace and quiet after working hard all day and coming home to a house full of loud children!

If Pepto is the new Panacea - sign me up! it can't hurt right?

Beeswax said...

I actually really like pepto.One quease and I'm drinking it straight from my personal bottle. Your dad and I would get along fine. But does he ever reccommend a chaser of Nyquil, to knock you out and forget your troubles? Have I admitted too much?

And P.S. I voted for you at MMB. You were pretty much robbed by the do-gooders.

Just kidding.

Sort of.

Barbaloot said...

Am I lame if I'm not entirely certain what this so-called Epsom salt is?

And also, I think I'm immune to Benadryl. I took it once---(cuz I was sick, not cuz I really just wanted to sleep. Gosh! I can't believe you'd think that!)---and I did NOT fall asleep. I just sat there, awake, with a stuffy nose. Who are these so-called RN's that recommend it?

Carol said...

Uh oh, we don't have pepto here. Clearly we're a nation headed for complete extinction.

Buffy Dayton said...

First of all, nice story about your sister in law....which one was it? Just kidding, second of all, what are you trying to get yourself sent to the doctor? I can't believe you just said all of that. I sure as heck hope you knocked on wood. Oh, and it feels like I haven't seen you in foreve, I know I saw you yesterday, and Sunday, but that kinda doesn't count.

Jen said...

If it was Mylanta I'd be all over it. I love Mylanta. But Pepto is kind of gross, and my kids think it's hot.

Emily said...

Would it disturb you to know that I actually enjoy those pink candies?

Eileen said...

Or kids are so way overdue to see the dentist it's just embarrassing. Especially since the dentist is their dad!

Motherboard said...

I love pepto. I even eat those little pink pills like they are candy.

Your Dad is my kind of Dr!

Annie Valentine said...

My dad thought he was a doctor. In our house it was Mylanta and aloe vera.

And you should definitely consider blonde.

CaJoh said...

I never swore by any "one" remedy, but have always used my own common sense when it comes to my own health. I don't see doctors on a regular basis even though my wife does… I probably only have 3 months.

Kritta22 said...

So when you have to have a girlie check up, are going to find another doctor? Please, oh please.

BTW The Medical Assistant is coming out in me and you need to have one of those. I know, they stink but just do. Everyone else is!

PS I could show you hwo to quilt. Wanna come play?

Becky said...

Hey, I tagged you on my blog today if you wanna play!

JustRandi said...

Mmmmmm Pepto bismol. Basically like drinking pink chalk. I don't think I've ever felt bad enough to actually think about drinking it!

Erin said...

My husband used to say that Pepto Bismol was a crock. That is, until we both had a stomachache and nausea and it actually helped.

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