Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Dear Peanut Butter and Chocolate~

We need to talk. I really don't know how to say this...but I think it's time that you and I separate. Don't look so shocked. You had to have known this was coming.

Listen, I think you're really great. And you're gonna make some lucky girl really, REALLY happy. I'm just not that girl.

Really, we just need a clean break. You have until tomorrow evening to get your stuff out of my house...and then it's over. And I know we talked about spending the Christmas Season together, but I don't think that's a good idea. If you feel the need to stop by for a little bit on Christmas Day, that's okay---but then you have to leave again.

Please don't make this harder than it has to be.


P.S. It's not me. It's you.

Saturday, November 22, 2008


Well, some of you thought that MOS was perhaps the cure, or at least related, to TDS. Sadly, this is not the case. Trust me, if I had the cure for TDS I would be doing some serious marketing for it. And I'd give some proceeds to Annie so she can go to Disney World, since I don't think I'll make it to her yard sale today. And I'd give some to Buffy to go to Disney World if she doesn't win her KOSY competition.

Anyway, MOS is Missing Out Syndrome. It's what happens when you feel depressed/bummed/sad/despondent cuz people you know are having fun and they're having it without you. This syndrome is frequently manifested in my family. Like my brothers that thought it would be a good idea to become smart at universities outside of Utah. Don't be mad at those of us who remained here and get to hang out. You're the ones who left. Their MOS is manifested by frequent phone calls, which always magically come during family dinner or games (which, ironically, my parents always answer even though they say not to answer the phones during family time), random one-line emails and conversations that involve them asking all sort of random information that they normally would never care to get from their younger sister.

But it's okay, brothers. I'm not mocking. Well, not much. I got MOS back when I was in AZ. And you know what I did? I moved home. That's the cure. Come back.

If you're not sure if you've ever experienced MOS, think of how you feel after I tell you that Edward Cullen personally invited me to go see Twilight with him. It's true. He sent me an email to a private party and asked ME to come. At first I was confused as to how he got my email address. Then I remembered that he's a phenomenally rich vampire and technology limits mean nothing to him. So, if you're feeling a little left out that you didn't get a personal email...that's MOS.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

hey Hey HEY! What is going on here?!

Okay-so I know I promised that MOS would be the next post. But you're just gonna have to wait for a minute cuz I just found out something SO important!!!

Dennis Haskins is speaking at the opening of Argosy University in SLC this Friday! If you don't have an unadulterated love for all things Saved By The Bell and an uncanny ability to remember every name of every person who ever appeared on the show (guest stars included), then I should tell you that Dennis Haskins is the one and only Mr. Belding. And he's coming to MY state! To speak at Argosy University. Which, incidentally, I don't know what that is, but I'm sure it'll be a good thing since Utah doesn't have very many places of higher learning.

Do you think I should go to the event and get my picture taken with Dennis? And maybe ask him when there's gonna be a Saved by the Bell reunion?!

Thursday, November 13, 2008

The Doctor Is In

There was this one day that I thought about being a counselor. I feel that that, combined with my several years of experience as a human being, has more than qualified me to identify and diagnose syndromes. The topic of today's blog is the Three Day Syndrome.

TDS was discovered by myself over a period of several years (which some might call senior year of high school through senior year of college) of intensive field study. Field study may also be called socializing, dating, interacting, get the drift.

Essentially, TDS begins with a boy asking a girl on a date. Said date has been preluded by flirting and hanging out of the casual variety. The date is fun. Within the next 48 hours, the boy who did the asking on the date has contacted the girl, spontaneously, to see her again. And soon. Sometimes it's a movie, or his sporting event, a jaunt in the park....the options are endless. Again, fun is had. The girl is effectively hooked. Then the third day hits. The boy wakes up remembers he's a dork and ignores the girl. When she calls, he says he "has a thing." Oh please. Be a man and say you have a date, or aren't interested. A thing? Girls know this is code for hanging out with a different girl.

And that's it. For the boy. Three days are up and he's finished. The girl, however, is left to wonder what she did wrong, try and fix it, then realize there's no use and move on in hope that the next boy can count past three.

Tune in next time for MOS.

Friday, November 7, 2008

A Veritable Smorgasbord

Random things.

The other day, my old roommate was telling me (on gmail chat)how she did her hair for Crazy Hair Day at school. She said she dyed it lots of colors and put ponies in her hair. And I'm thinking, ponies? How did she put ponies in her hair? So I asked, and she just said she put them on top. What? I was picturing maybe some pony clips, or that she twisted it weird... so I drew a picture of that on the computer. (Some people go to work or take care of their families...I draw computer pictures.)
Then she sent me a picture. Pony TAILS. Got it. Makes more sense, no?

Alyson, who takes awesomely awesome pictures, wanted to see a picture of my 'I Love Primary' pillow-case. So this picture is for her. It's not the best picture, but you get the idea. Right? I've had the thing since I was a small child and love it. That's me with my cool cousin, Becky. She's cool cuz she has the same pillow-case. And for other reasons. (And also, if you've ever seen On Our Own, you may recognize the house. Totally "Uncle Jack's" house.)One of my friends used to make fun of me for this pillow-case...but I think it was cuz he was jealous. So I made him one cuz that's how awesome I am.

One of my brothers told me some people might think I'm a hard-core environmentalist cuz of my blog name. But really, it's just one of the 87 nicknames I've been saddled with in life. My nephew heard his dad call me that and now that's what he always calls me. And I love it. And also, when you ask him who his favorite aunt is, he says "Barbaloot Suit," so clearly he loves me, too. I think it's cuz I invented The Hunchback Chasing The Chicken game. *Also, if you're my sister-in-law and the mother of said nephew and you don't want his picture on my blog---tell me, and it'll come off.*

Speaking of brothers; yes, to all you doubters. I really do have 11 older brothers. And zero sisters. Here is a picture from the wedding of the last single one. (I'm the one in the skirt with the long hair.) Which means, unfortunately Rychelle, that none are available. My parents have a large wall with a picture of each boy and his pretty bride on their wedding day. It's glaringly off-balance as there is clearly an empty spot where the 12th picture is meant to be placed. I get it. Why don't you just put a neon sign there that says "Get movin!" And in answer to your question, T, no. No prospects right now. But Sue Q---you said in the comments that you were making my wedding dress and where I come from that's legally binding so don't try and back out cuz I will hold you to it.

This was supposed to be a short post...but it ended up kinda long-ish. Sorry.

Monday, November 3, 2008

ABC: All About Me

Since, you know, my other posts usually focus on other people....
Sue Q tagged me, so here goes.

A- Attached or Single?
Well-I'm very attached to my new brown boots. Does that count?

B- Best Friend?
Paris Hilton is, like, totally my new BFF. It's SO cool. We spend tons of time talking about important things like which is better: the old NKOTB or the new?
Technically, I'm not, like, supposed to say anything till the season finale, like, keep my secret. K?

C- Cake or Pie?
I may be an amazing pie maker, but I don't like to eat it. I like yellow cake with chocolate frosting. Yum.

D- Day of Choice?
Weekends are always great. Oh, and Tuesday cuz that's Biggest Loser night.

E- Essential Items?
My 'I Love Primary' pillowcase. It's the best!

F- Favorite Color?
Chartreuse. Okay, I don't really know what color that is...but it's one of my favorite ones in the color song that the German Goose sings. That and Ultramarine.

G- Gummy Bears or Worms?
I choose not to waste calories on gummi-type food.

H- Hometown?
Orem, UT. I lived in Price (the place where you stop on the way to Lake Powell for McDonald's)-but since I don't even know how to find my house down there anymore it doesn't register.

I- Favorite Indulgence?
Usually Reese's mini PB cups. But right now I'm pretty addicted to Jack Links jerky. SO good.

J- January or July?
July for sure. I like the heat.

K- Kids?

L- Life isn't complete without?
Family, laughter, music and re-runs of Saved by the Bell.

M- Marriage date?
How about....09/09/09. That would be cool, right?

N- Number of brothers and sisters?
11 older brothers.
No, I'm not lying.

O- Oranges or Apples?
If it's Pink Lady, then for sure apples. Otherwise, oranges.

P- Phobias and Fears?
Getting abducted in my car. And also, worms. In 8th grade I paid a kid to dissect my worm for me.

Q - Quiet time, what do you like to do?
Read, email, blog, watch TV.... wow, I'm one interesting girl!

R- Reason to smile?
This video. Cracks me up everytime.

S- Season of choice?
I like the beginning and end of summer. Fun activities, perfect weather, pretty scenery, all that stuff.

T- Ticklish?
Kinda. But not the kind where guys grab your sides. That just bugs and makes me want to punch them in the teeth.

U- Unknown fact about me?
I wanna learn how to long-board.

V- Vegetable?
Potatoes, corn and carrots.

W- Worst Habit?
I don't pay very good attention when people introduce themselves to me. So I never remember peoples' names. Ever. It's really bad. One time I was talking to this guy at the bus stop and after a few minutes I was like, "Hey, my name is Barb." To which he replies, "I know. We met last night." Sweet. And also, he didn't tell me his name right then even though I thought it was pretty clear I didn't know it. It was about two more weeks until I learned it.

X-ray or Ultrasound?
Ooh-I want an x-ray of my cankle to see if there's anything fishy going on in there.

Y- Your favorite food?
Steak and chocolate covered strawberries.

Z- Zodiac Sign? Taurus. And you know, everyone says they don't even pay attention to that stuff...but I wonder. I mean, I'll fully admit that I'll read mine every once in awhile. And then I'll cry at night when it doesn't come true. Or laugh. Either one.

The End. All you ever needed to know about me---and a few things extra!