Monday, December 31, 2007

Resolutions Shmesolutions!

Quit looking at me like I'm evil. I said it and I meant it! I think New Year's Resolutions are a bunch of malarky made up by the motivational speakers of the world. How is writing down something I want on a piece of paper the last night of the year any different than doing it during the year? Sure, it's fun to look at a list and see...
-I will wear make-up everytime I leave the house.
...but I'm not gonna be any more successful than I was the last time I said I'd do that unless I take the time to figure out HOW I'll do it, WHAT I need to do to stick to it, and maybe, a REWARD, for being good.

Herein lay (or is it lie?) my problems.
1st: I don't know how to do make-up. I suppose I could go to the Mac counter and have the guy that talks funny or the girl with crazy hair, neither of whom I'd really like to trust, "teach" me what looks best on my face.
2nd: I guess I could ask my roommate to help me make sure I follow through. But then again, there was that one time she said, "You're not allowed to look better than me when we go hang out." Yeah-that'll be a real motivator.
3rd: A reward? The only thing I can think of is that I'll use up all my make-up and have to go buy more. And I hate spending money-so that's no reward.

And there you have it. I've successfully sabotaged my New Year's Resolution before it's even started. And I've changed my mind; it's not malarky, but a conspiracy. The motivational speakers know you'll fail, and you'll have to keep coming back to figure out what you're doing wrong, which in turn keeps them in business. Jerks.

For the record, I've never paid to go see a motivational speaker, but I know they're not out there talking for free so somebody's gotta be givin' them something. Right?

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

The Best Christmas Pageant Ever!

The Herdmans got nothin' on my family. I'm not saying they're not the stars of the best Christmas book ever, but they are not the stars of the best Christmas pageant ever. My family is.
Forget an angel that beats up
the Shepherds. Ours was
great with child!

And a wiseman bearing
ham? Puh-lease! Ours
was the strongest to
have ever ventured
from the East.
*Bragging time-out: Does
anyone else have a Dad
this tough?! Yeah, I didn't
think so. Someone told me once, "Your Dad is the closest thing we 
have around here to Chuck Norris."

And finally; none of this juvenile-delinquent-turned-refugee stuff. The youngest, most bright-eyed and fidgety kids played our Mary and Joseph couple.
Some of my favorite Nativities of the past include last year's, which featured a 2-year old Chinese angel as well as a tiny Chinese Baby Jesus. A few years previous we were blessed with more participants than usual. As a result, we literally had a multitude of Heavenly Hosts and a plethora of shepherds along with some new characters; namely the camel and llama.

It should also be noted that this year's Wiseman, Melchior, also doubled as the narrator, quoting perfectly (with a few added words for comedic affect) Luke 2: 1-16 as he has done nearly every year since age 4.

Saturday, December 22, 2007

For Shame!

I am so disappointed with my favorite candy companies this season! The Christmas candy which I look forward to most all season is no more. Mars and Hershey's have disappointed me greatly on 3 accounts.

1. Mint m&m's. First and foremost, these candies, which usually seem so prevalent during the Christmas season were impossibily hard to find! When I finally did, I went home rejoicing only to find that they'd be changed! They weren't my regular sized m&m's, but bigger. This in turn, resulted in too much mint flavor; rather like a Dutch Mint. Now, I think Dutch Mints are good enough, but if I want some I'll go buy them. I don't want them disguised in the form of my favorite m&m product.

2. Hershey's Mint Kisses. These are some of the best candies Hershey's has ever produced and imagine my disappointment when they were nowhere to be found come early December. I've continued my search for them throughout the season, but to no avail. I did, however, find a petition online to sign in favor of bringing them back (I don't know why they left). I signed it.

3. I am sad to say, it is again Hershey's who has commited the offense. It really is sad to me as I am one of Hershey's biggest fans and I am confused by how callously they have treated me. This time, it's the Cookies n' Mint Nuggets that I am missing. I remember when this product originally came out it was not a seasonal item. However, I quickly realized it wasn't as prevalent as I would wish, but only came around at Christmastime. That's okay, I thought. What better way to celebrate my favorite season than with one of my favorite candies? Well-time for my disappointment to triple as these were also missing. I even checked online, and they're listed as "out of stock!" If you know you have a popular candy, wouldn't you try to please the masses by having enough?

Fortunately, through all this trial, I have found one saving grace. It was surprising to me as it came in the form of a brand I tend to hold in disdain as its efforts to satisfy me usually fall far short of my not-so-sophisticated taste. Ghirardelli Peppermint Bark. Seriously folks, this stuff is fantastic! As you'll see from the packaging, it's a limited edition so I suggest you head out to buy some quickly. You will not be dissapointed.
And finally, as I re-read this post before permanently placing it on my blog, I'm slightly embarrassed at the passion I hold for this subject. But only slightly.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

I'm An Oxy-Moron

Seriously, I make no sense. I leave the wonderful land of Utah to escape the freezing winters and enjoy my life in sunny AZ. Then, two weeks ago when I was home I couldn't get enough of the snow! It was so gorgeous. I was loving the weather, the feel of the Christmas season and I was sad to leave it all behind. Seriously, I need to figure out what I want in life and stick with it. 

I went miniature golfing today-and the
 weather was 63 degrees! How cool is that? Actually, I guess it's warm. Ha. I loved the warmth and the fact that I was outside in just a long-sleeved shirt.
Still, I can't wait to go home this weekend! Really, don't you think this pictures are pretty?!

Saturday, December 15, 2007

I May Fail As A Mother...

I'm pretty sure that images like these should evoke feelings of empathy, nurturing and some sort of innate reaction to perform impressive First Aid. Instead, I just laugh. I think they're hilarious! 
I can just picture in my head right now, my future child running into the glass screen door I've so carefully cleaned, possibly resulting in a monster goose-egg and there I am, rolling on the floor with laughter. 
What if I fail the motherhood test?

Monday, December 10, 2007

Dear Santa-

I've been tryin' real hard all year to be a good girl. Honestly. Below you will find my wishes for this Christmas season.

1. A penguin. I'll name him Peter.
2. More opportunities to use the words pedantic and pretentious. Maybe even simultaneously. 
3. No more split ends. Ever.
4. To not feel guilty about how much I love reality TV.
5. Patience for people that drive me crazy. 
6. My own private airplane complete with pilot to take me home whenever I wanted.
7. For my friend, Emily, to re-learn how to use the phone and/or email so I know that she hasn't really dropped off the face of the earth. (Probly from Velveeta poisoning.)
8. To get over my phobia of technology so I can fully appreciate my new computer. 

Barbaloot Suit 

Thursday, December 6, 2007

As Promised...

Um, in case you didn't know, I don't understand technology. So, unfortunately you'll have to watch this video with your head sideways. It's worth it though.

Saturday, December 1, 2007

Ich Liebe Germany!

Before, if you'd asked me why I love Germany, I would have given some trite response like the language is fantastic, or the country is beautiful. Well, now I can tell you that I love it because of drunken accordian players and sticky waffles.
Seriously folks, drunken entertainment, Bavarian music and good food. Who could ask for anything more?
I suppose it would have helped if there had been a chubby Germany boy dancing along...oh wait, there WAS definitely a chubby German boy dancing along. In leiderhosen no less. The video is forthcoming...