Freak Show

I get the point people-I have small feet. So fitting into my 8-year old niece's shoes isn't normal; big deal. I get to spend less money on more pair of shoes so I think it's a great thing.

However, was it really necessary for the very tiny Vietnamese lady who gave me my manicure yesterday to hold up my shoes and point and laugh with all the other patrons? C'mon.

Make It Stop!!

Despite all my efforts to stop time and not grow up, it's happening anyway. And the effects on my movie-viewing psyche are very unsettling! I used to be the girl for whom made-for-TV movies were created. Bring it on ABC Family and Disney; I'll be there to watch everything you create. And I'll like it, too.

But now, I'm starting to be critical of these simple-minded works of art. In addition to growing older, I blame Eric Snider. I blame him heavily. His movie reviews are fantastic! I love their caustic sarcasm. But now I find that when I watch movies I'm criticizing the characters, the writers, the actors…all of it! I think, That wouldn't happen in real life! What are you thinking? Why don't you write about a realistic situation? Or, have the characters react like normal people? It's really affecting how I view my once-loved movies, and it's all Eric's fault because he pointed those mistakes out to me in the first place. And it's growing-up's fault for making me appreciate what Eric says. Now, I'm afraid to watch my favorite Mary-Kate and Ashley movie, Winning London. What if I'm too sophisticated for it now?!

Dang you, Eric Snider and growing up! Dang you both to Hades!!

Hiker's Remorse

It's like Buyer's Remorse, only worse. Instead of ending up with a new item of clothing or shoes that you may not be fully capable of walking in, you end up with incredible muscle and joint soreness. Eventually you'll forget about the remorse of your purchase; it will become a distant memory. But the soreness doesn't go away...Okay, so it does. I guess Buyer's and Hiker's Remorse are similar in that regard. But, whereas you'll probly soon be reconciled to your new purchase and even end up liking it, chances of you deciding you're glad you put your body through pain and suffering are slim to none. 

Seriously, I was half-way through this 3 hour hike, when I remembered/thought to myself, I hate hiking! Why did I think this would be fun? I like to work-out, but I don't like to climb rocks. Especially when I went ahead with the boys cuz the girls are too slow. Hiking is lame.

I need to remember this, or come re-read this post or something, next time someone invites me to hike. I'll say "Thanks-but no thanks. How about we go run 5 miles instead. That's more fun."

And Nicole; I'm sorry. I know you think things like hiking and mountains are cool. I hope we can still be friends.

A Pox On Made Up Colors!

Remember that one time I talked about wearing make-up every day? Well, in an effort to follow through with that thing that I refuse to call a resolution, I went to the store to get some new eye-liner. That's right folks. Now that I'm 23 I've started to wear eye-liner on an almost-daily basis. 

Anyhow, all I wanted was brown. Plain, basic brown. But was there any to be found? NO! I saw plenty of basic black, but that was the only "color" I recognized. What colors were there? Taupe; ew. Onyx; what's that? Sparkle khaki; on my eyes?! Espresso; I think that's against my religion. Minx; um...I don't want fur, I want eye-liner! Bother.

Are you hearing me, make-up companies of the world? Of course you are, cuz you have nothing better to do than read my blog. So hear this; I want BROWN! Maybe I'm born with it, maybe it's BROWN. Because I'm worth it (and the "it" is BROWN). Easy, Breezy, Beautiful, BROWN! Are we getting the point?

And while I'm in the mood to yell at companies cuz they're lame; Target. You REALLY need to keep people from using make-up before they buy it. Nobody wants to buy lipstick that has blue lint on it and is completely misshapen. Ew.

When I'm King...

...vehicles with more than four wheels will NOT be allowed to drive in the fast lane. I'm talking to you, Big Fat Semis.

...Rascal Flatts will be disbanded and their lead singer stripped of his vocal chords. Seriously, have you ever heard anything so whiney? 

...I will get to meet Rob Dyrdek. He looks like he'd be fun to hang out with.

...I will have a great, big room with mattresses strategically placed around to jump on. (I got that idea from Rob Dyrdek.)

...I will eat flank steak every day!

...I'll have one of those cool swimming pools that is half inside and half outside. 

...words people use to replace other words they can't remember will be banned from all vocabulary. Seriously, I hate those words so bad I refuse to even write them down here, but you know the ones. You use them when you can't remember someone's name...DON'T SAY IT! I really, really hate those words.

And yes, I do mean when I'm King. All Queens are good for is beheading and postage stamps. No thank you.