Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Wise-Saying Cookies

When I grow up I'm gonna invent a cookie that doesn't taste good with anything but Chinese food. And then, I'm gonna put fortunes in them that will give hope to the poor masses of society. Don't try and tell me this has already been done, because I won't believe you. You're thinking about the inappropriately named "fortune cookies" which are really wise-sayings, not fortunes. Why I have such a problem with this I don't know...but I find it incredibly irritating! 

Anyway, I was at a Chinese restaurant recently with some friends, and this particular one didn't give you just one cookie at the end of the meal. Oh no. They had a basket out of which you took your own. And if you were me you took about five. Here are some of my non-fortunes:

-Others see you as a wise person. Really? I probly ought to find these people and set them straight.
-You have a charming way with words. Yes. Me talk pretty.
-Among the lucky, you are the chosen one. . . . . Is it just me, or does that seem like it's saying I'm unlucky?
-You are guided by silent love and friendship around you. Yeah---and I'm way past ready for the silent love to start speaking up. Seriously. 

And finally, my one and only fortune which I am still unpatiently (and yes, I do mean unpatiently. I have a charming way with words and I take this to mean I can invent new ones as well) waiting to be fulfilled:
-You will inherit a large sum of money. It might be asking too much, but I would appreciate if I had some sort of time frame for this one.


Becca said...

You are hilarious!
I think I've gotten the large sum of money one. Still waiting...

Matt said...

Hey, you're right... they really aren't fortunes.

You should make real fortune cookies, and you should put actual money in the cookies. Depending on how much you put in, they really could be small fortune cookies.

Buffy Dayton said...

I think those "fortunes" sound about right. They are dead on actually. Plus, have you looked up the word fortune in the dictionary?.....didn't think so! Just kidding dude! Come over and do Pilates.

Anonymous said...

For years my brother and I have fantasized about fortune cookies that say things like "Take cover!"