Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Ranting Part II

Guess who has a TV in their living room right now? Guess who does not want a TV in the living room right now? Or ever?

If you guessed me on all of those, you'd be right!!

My roommate decided it would be too costly (for whom?) for her to store her TV at her friend's apartment so she went ahead and hooked everything up and re-arranged the living room furniture while I was at work and couldn't do anything about it. And she and my other roommate agreed that putting her TV in the living room shouldn't be a problem if I'm willing to compromise. Well guess what tiny aspect they left out of that equation? It's MY house and I'm NOT willing to compromise. If she's willing to start paying the entire monthly mortgage then she can store her TV in MY room for all I care. But until then, the TV will be moving out of the living room, it will not be stored in the family room or any other public room and she's just gonna have to deal.

And I told her that. Not quite that strongly...I'm still working on that whole confrontation thing. But seriously, there's no way that there can be any question about how I feel about this issue.

And one more thing. I plan on sleeping VERY well tonight!!!

34 comments:

Kristina P. said...

Good! Confrontation is hard but it looks like you have a nice, firm backbone.

Machen family said...

OOOhhh she sounds like trouble. She rearranged everything? Crazy pants!

Melissa Bastow said...

I think that you should skip like two weeks of work (and any other aspect of your life, including sleep) so that you can watch her tv 24 hours a day. Tell your roommates that part of your compromise is that you get control over the remote 100% of the time. And then watch as much Lawrence Welk as you can. REALLY LOUDLY. Eventually she would get so annoyed with your constant use of her tv she'd HAVE to move it, right?

Matt said...

So, tonight's not the night to toilet paper your house?

Noted.

ellen said...

You're in charge, Marge. 'nuf said. :)

Erin said...

Yay for sleeping well tonight!

(I can't believe she had the guts to do that while you were gone!)

made sweet said...

who is this girl?

wendy said...

Stick to your guns (or load them if necessary) on this issue.
I can't believe this woman. Her day s may be numbered as your room-mate I fear.
Like you, I'd fee it is MY house, and I have certain things I will not compromise on.

stay tuned??

Boy Mom said...

Wowsers! This roommate is very determined to get her way. You could always give her the option of a TV in the living room rent increase.

Kazzy said...

Kick 'em out, man. Seriously!

The Garden of Egan said...

Uh, how do you spell e-v-i-c-t-i-o-n?
Weird girl! Selfish girl.
I gotta agree with Kazzy.

rychelle said...

be strong! stay strong!

("crazy pants" - LOVE IT!)

Shelley said...

Wow! I had to catch up. What happened to respect. It's as if she never learned it. Stand your ground. It will never work for you having her as your room-mate if she doesn't "respect" you and your home. We're all cheering you on! Hang in there.

The Kooky Queen--Rachel said...

SERIOUSLY!!! This girl has a lot of nerve!!! Who is she anyway and how in the world is she your roommate! What a disrespectful brat! I'm sorry I'm freaking out but I would be TOTALLY FREAKING OUT if I were you. That is nuts!

Tiffany said...

What the heck?! I kind of feel like she has a lot of nerve...
You know, if you were all renting and no one owned it, that would be one thing. But you actually OWN the place. So it's your gig. And that's what she signed up for when she decided to live with her landlord. Really sorry dude. You want me to punch her?? just teasing :)

Nicoletta said...

So frustrating! Totally out of line to just move stuff without getting your approval.

I would also caution you, though, that even though the house is owned by you, the fact that your roommates pay you rent means that they do have legal rights to ask for a little compromise when it comes to the common areas. Unless, that is, the contract actually states that they can't move furniture or bring in their own in the common areas.

Having just bought our first home I totally know what it feels like to finally have a place that's yours and to want it to be a certain way. I totally get that. Unfortunately, if you have contracted, rent paying roommates you may not be able to control things as much as you would ideally be able to in your own place.

It's also true that your roommates knew they were going to be living in YOUR house when they signed the contract so they have to deal with how that is different than if you were all renters, but maybe there is a way to allow them some space of their own in the common living spaces, just as you would allow them cupboards in the kitchen, a shelf in the fridge, and a drawer in the bathroom. Or, if that's really out of the question maybe you could offer to let them out of their contracts and then you could specify your requirements more in the contracts for new roommates.

It's easy for me to say all this of course because I don't have to live with it, and I would be frustrated if I were you too especially when they just keep moving stuff when you have specifically said "no." It just seems like that since this appears to be a repeating problem it may be worth it to see if some compromise could be reached whether that is letting them move on, or finding some way that they can have some common area for their own, especially since they do have rights to have some control in common areas because they are paying you rent (unless the contracts state otherwise, of course).

Just a few thoughts from a friends who also hates confrontation and who feels bad that you aren't enjoying your new home as much as you should be able. Whatever happens, good luck!

sara said...

Wow, I have to admit I've been out of the blogging world for a while and I'm just getting caught up with your biznes. I can't believe she put it there after you said no. Sounds like my husband! Way to make a stand. I'm not good at the confrontation part either, good luck!

Homer and Queen said...

Oh. My. Gosh.

Buffy Dayton said...

Seriously....OH. MY. GOSH!! Just kidding, so I hope your roommate doesn't have access to your awesome blog....

Chris and Sara Waldron said...

Yikes, that's pretty nervy. Good luck dealing with this.

Emma said...

What?? the girl has lost her mind!

Erin said...

I am going to possibly open myself up for all sorts of angry replies, but I wanted to say that, while I agree that it is totally wrong to move things in common areas without asking/discussing the matter, I don't think your roommates were completely out of line.

First, Nicoletta is right about the "legal" right of renters to ask for some compromise in the common areas. And, honestly, compromise in some things, even some big things, (like furniture) seems like the right thing to do.

Again; they were 100% wrong to move the furniture without talking to you first. But, your roommates' desire to have some say in the home they pay for is not out of line at all. It isn't outrageous to want to "personalize" their home.

Yes, it is your house. You own the building but it is home for all three of you; each of you is paying for the privilege of living there. And, unless you've specified that the common areas were off limits before they ever moved in, it is normal for them to presume that the regular rights and privileges of paying rent (the ability to bring in your own things and arrange them as you see fit, for example) would apply in this situation.

Maybe having a conversation about how best to incorporate some of everyone's personal items into the common areas, would help ease the situation. Your roommates might not feel like they have to "go behind your back" if there were an agreed upon set of guidelines for the common areas; especially if those guidelines allowed them some freedom to incorporate their own things. You might not end up with the perfect arrangement you imagined for your house, but if you get less stress and conflict out of the arrangement, it might be worth it. You can always move things around to exactly how you want them when the roommates move out.

And that concludes the unsolicited advice from a random person who found your blog on MMB, whose only qualification for offering advice is that she has been the "roommate" in a similar situation.

Good luck! I'm sure everything will work out. :-)

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Okay... I've missed most of it.

But what I want to say is YOU are right... she is in the wrong. I mean... really... what nerve???!!!

Kick the TV out and tell her to deal or leave. It's not like there isn't another student that is in need of a place to live around that area!

Selaen said...

I was a little bitty wary about saying what I have to say, but thanks to Nicoletta and Erin, I've noticed that I'm not the only one in this one. :) Whereas I do think that she's in the wrong as it's already happened before and you have already discussed the TV issue. BUT at the same time, you do need to learn how to make compromises.

You were the one who decided to rent the rooms out and thus decided to take people to live WITH you. Whether you like it or not, the fact that they live there makes your house their home. I do understand that it is your house etc and you want things your way, but they contribute to the household as well. Without them, you'd be worse off. So you do need to appreciate them.

I've lived in several rented flats and one of them was with an owner-occupier and she didn't let me change anything in the flat. It made me resent her (we used to be friends) and the flat and I moved out pretty quickly.

Maybe you should have a discussion with your flatmates and come up with some sort of a compromise?

I've always said that living with someone is the best way to ruin a friendship. People are just different in the way they want things. :P

xx

April said...

First, your mom was right. Sorry. But your roomy got herself into this pickle when she bought a tv knowing that there was already a tv in the house.

Secondly, my sister-in-law rents out her condo ALL the time (and lives there). The agreement is that since this is HER home that they can do as they want to their bedroom (within reason-no walls torn down), but she has final say over what goes on.

It is just like when I had roommates and was going to BYU. None of us OWNED the apartment we were living in so we had to come to a common ground about what was displayed in the living room. How the living room was set up, etc. But ultimately, the owners had final say on the furniture that was in the apartment, what the colors of the walls were, what could go up on the walls.

The fact that your roommate is sneaking around behind your back is so annoying and immature. Now she is trying to get another roommate to take "sides". Stick to your guns Barb! Contract or no conctract it is YOUR HOME!

JennyMac said...

this is one reminder of why I dont miss roommates!!!!

Hope you get this worked out soon.

Deb said...

Compromise is good, to a point. It's important that you decide what's important to you. Regardless of whether or not compromise was appropriate here, it was way out of line for her to go behind your back, and the two of them against you doesn't bode well. Assert that authority and have a good night!

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

Good luck dear! I don't have a TV in my living room either!

Nin said...

wow barb! seriously, i hope all is well for you now! wow! i hate confrontation and it scares me! and... i LOVED dear john! i thought it was sooo good! weird how that happens!

Debbie said...

Good for you for standing up. I can't believe she just rearranged without even discussing it.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Okay, I'm trying to picture YOU getting mad at anyone.

hee hee

JustRandi said...

OK I'm late to the party - But I did want to chime in and just say UgggHH.
I'm so sorry for you and I hate confrontation, too.

And I'm dying to hear what happened.

Lady of Perpetual Chaos said...

I feel your pain! Seriously. I have confrontation issues as well and I get totally stressed out. We are also currently renting out our basement apartment (we live in the upstairs) so I understand the renter aspect too. Yes, compromise needs to happen in these kind of situations. I think of it as part of the way we "earn" our rent. To a point. It is hard to share your house that you've worked so hard for. It's hard to share space with others, especially if you feel they're taking advantage of your good nature. And it's frustrating that what you think should be obvious (let's use picking up their dogs poop as an example) if it's not specifically written into their contract, you're in an awkward situation. My BIL (who also happens to be a lawyer) has helped me out quite a bit with a good contract, other forms and resources, etc. If you want me to send them to you, let me know! Just send an email and not comment on my blog since our renters read it. ;o) And I hope it gets better soon. Your home should not be a source of constant stress. And neither should mine. ;o)

Meadowlark said...

Late to the party, but saw you at Suburb Sanity and just wanted to say "Good on ya!" for standing up for what's right AND actually saying it out loud and not just internally stewing over it. Much healthier that way. :)

And the thing I said to my kids didn't kill them, as they're in the early twenties and almost well-adjusted ;)

Peace! Will stop by again, so you might as well start writing.