Friday, May 30, 2008

Fighting With Inanimate Objects

As if I don't make life complicated enough already by fighting with my split-personalities, I've gone ahead and added inanimate objects to the list of things with which I do not get along.

It all started one day at work. Where I was bored. And hungry. But I probly wasn't hungry...I just convinced myself I was cuz I was bored. Don't judge me! I know I'm not the only person that does this!! Anyway, I went to the vending machine on the 1st floor to buy pop-tarts. There are two reasons this was stupid:
1) Pop-tarts are cardboard covered with sugared glue. Seriously-I can't even explain to you why I eat them.
2) The vending machine on the 3rd floor sells pop-tarts for 10 cents cheaper. But I was lazy and decided to pay more so I only had to walk 15 steps.
So anyway, I put in my money, the machine rotates....and the pop-tarts don't fall!! I really hate when this happens. But really, the only logical thing to do is to go back to my desk, get more money and buy the next set of pop-tarts, too. Right? So I did. And the machine turned, and the first set of pop-tarts fell-but the second one didn't!!!! So, guess what I did? I went back to my desk, got more money, and bought the third set. Fortunately, they fell along with the second set so the vicious cycle didn't continue.
And what did I end up with? Two sets of pop-tarts I didn't want (okay, I fake wanted them-but quit judging), 3 set of pop-tarts I shouldn't have, and $1.90 less than I would have had if I just went to the third floor in the first place.

Vending machine: 1 Barbara: 0

Story #2. I bought this pink bracelet from Target and it's real cute. It's also really ghetto and left a pink mark on my arm. How surprising. Cuz Target is real high class and all, right?
Side story: The mark was like the kind you got on your finger from cheap CTR rings. Only it was bright pink. And everyone noticed it and started calling it my Scarlet Letter (even though it clearly was NOT a letter) which is ironic cuz I'm a little bit of a prude. Side story over.
So everytime I wore the bracelet, it left a mark. But I was already mad that the vending machine bested me and I was not gonna let the bracelet do the same so I kept wearing it and it kept marking my arm. My co-worker freaked out for a minute cuz she thought it was lead paint from China and I was gonna die. Don't worry though, I've been feeling fine. Minus that fact that my hair's falling out, my tongue has turned white and I can no longer pronounce my r's. Big deal.
Bottom line is...I put clear nail polish on the inside of my bracelet and this accomplished two things. My clear nail polish now has a bright pink tint to it...and I can wear the bracelet without it marking my arm!!

Bracelet: 0 Barbara: 1

12 comments:

Heather Dayton said...

Barbara -
Your blog is hilarious! Becky just told me about it, so I added you to my list :) I'm looking forward to reading your entertaining posts-haha! You can check ours out at davidandheatherdayton.blogspot.com if you want. We are excited to see you again soon!

Hoggards said...

So entertaining Barbs! Never a dull moment - which means we need to hang out again! I miss it! Super smart idea with the nail polish!

Johnny and Angela said...

You are so clever!

Buffy Dayton said...

Seriously, why can't I post fun things like this. I think you have to know how to think and also write, which two things I really don't know how to do. I think all the hair salon product is getting to my brain! You are funny!

Marcie said...

Way to put that bracelet in it's place.

Becky said...

Hey Blarb! I hope you don't mind me calling you blarb; that's the only name I know you as (of course, Dan's my hubby, what can you expect?). I love reading your blog! Thanks for being so funny - it lifts my day and makes me laugh! I love your blog!

Nicoletta said...

So I think that the music that started playing is maybe a little weird, but I love the stories! Totally laughed out loud several times.

Tiffany said...

that bracelet is another reason Target is stupid. :) But I'm glad you won your fight with it!

Becca said...

I think I found your blog from Miyoshi's blog, which I found through her facebook. It's a convoluted web world, I tell you!

Here's to winning more against inanimate objects!

Becca said...

Also, did you know that your link to Stacey and Jake is funny because Stacey's sister is my husband's old girlfriend? *sings* It's a small world after all...

Peter & Katie said...

Barb, I agree with Buffy. You are too funny and i am envious of your blog posts. They always make me laugh.

Marcie said...

Yes, I'm a nerd because I'm posting TWO comments on the same post. But this is about the comment you left on my post: Thank you for saying you liked my tag questions!! When I saw that ONLY ONE person had commented I felt silly for thinking that ppl would actually like my new tag. I seriously take too much stock in the comments ppl leave. I don't think I would have that problem if one of my posts generated a billion comments like yours do ;) haha.